I made mistakes but how do i know if he really has feelings from me? idk what is up with this boy !?

ok.. so there is this boy i had a crush on for a longtime (named john). and then i stood up and started writing him, and he asked to hangout one day. i went to his house and he told me not to tell anyone that i know him or that i went to his house or anything because rumours are going to start and how i wont focus on school if i have a bf (we never said anything to eachother in public) and idk how it happened but we ended up haveing and then i just went home. a hour later he wrote me and told me again not to tell anyone or else its on me (his friends know btw) after that everyday he started to write me to hangout but i always made up excuses because i felt used by him. after a while i see him start puting up status about how he hopes this girl feels the sameway he does and how its time for him to settle down (and he still kept writing me to hangout) after a while i started to notice strange things. a friend of mine asked me if its true that i live up the block and i said yes.. then he said oh its true what they said that you do live up there.. i said who he said "john and them". few weeks later, this boy texts my phone and tells me how he didnt know that me and john go out.. i asked him who he heard it from.. he told me jhon told him just the other day. then 2 days ago i went to johns house and (of course he tried to have again but i didnt let it happen) i asked john what did he say to the boy (that was texting my phone) he told me nothing and asked why and what he said. i just told him nothing and that im just asking. is john hideing feelings from me or something? because i really dont know whats going on and im confused.. plz help- stacy